Tuesday, December 30, 2003 | Tuesday, December 30, 2003

What to say. It's been a sucky post-christmas. Bad things come in threes? Hahh. Multitudes, more like it. Anyway. School's starting in 3 days' time. Each day that draws closer and closer, my mood grows blacker. I'm really dreading A levels. No, that's the wrong mentality. I should trust God in leading me through this major obstacle, not just mere leading through, but being led through gracefully and peaceably. But still, looking back on my J1 year, going through promos was traumatic enough, with that horrible split hindering me mentally and stuff. What more of A levels? Even now i'm still struggling to deal with the loss of a friendship. Why are guys such inarticulate and insensitive morons. But what i learnt from that episode was that you can't run away from God, you can't run away no matter how much you want to. And no matter how certain at that point in time you feel that there's no way out, God always provides an escape route. No matter how small or tiny it seems at first. God will always take care of you. Without Him here, i just might have gone insane. Those two months without Him were so..empty. No mortal being can ever take God's place. Sigh. Next year, i resolve to focus fully on my A levels. There are ever so many secondary schools here, there are ever so many jcs here, but there's only one NUS. Right. One simple resolution. And to get closer to God too. And never ever stray from Him. And to take up the challenge andy offered me so many weeks ago. I think it's time i took it up, and quit being so...passive. Oh, that's three resolutions. I can count. See, jessie? smirk. Yup. 2004. A year that will be so full of trials and tears and hopefullynot temptations. Take a deep breath. Stop being such a featherbrain eunice. Yep, can't wait for 2004 countdown! Yay! Me and bra are so gonna rock! :)

Sunday, December 28, 2003 | Sunday, December 28, 2003

A wooden box in the middle / One by one, white daisies laid down / Til its lid was covered with a heavenly white coat / Loved ones standing all around. / A wooden box going into flames; / Daisies drying, withering, crackling. / One more soul in heaven, angels with trumpets rejoicing; / Its shell here on earth. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Thursday, December 25, 2003 | Thursday, December 25, 2003

Merry Christmas! Or the one hour that's left of it anyway. Hard to think that exactly a year ago i was having a *sigh white christmas in nz at fox glacier.. Gave the whole cell and family presents for once, i think the stress was worth it; all the late nights and breathing in paint and wood dust and sobbing over chipped nails etc etc. And me being such a generous soul, i gave my loving family another bonus gift: my germs. Yay! The whole family's officially sick, tmr we're all gonna see the doctor together. What a nice family outing we're gonna have, oh boy oh boy. Two weeks of coughing in their faces have finally worked down their immune systems. Anyway, today i woke up specially nice and early to slather on makeup on my face :) And it is a big deal for me, cuz i only get to wear it like 4 times a year?! So little chance to practise, plus the fact that my makeup's gonna expire soon. And i only used them like 5 times so far, sigh. I have no life. Still haven't figured out how to solve the mystery on how to prevent the eyeliner from smudging at the bottom lid (giving you horrendous panda eyes and so on). So i went for church service..and promptly nodded off during sermon *coughunintentionally and ironically. Eyeliner smudged and i went around with panda eyes til horrified me went to wipe it off. Had fun trading pressies with everyone around. Received quite a number of sweet notes, so sweet! Give me a card anytime over a present man. Evening time, went to meet up with my cousin to catch up on stuff, haven't really talked for ages, like 2 years. And this was the cousin who used to come over to my house practically every saturday, but still steadfastly refused to give in to the temptation of playing barbie dolls with me. Only some stupid transformer toys and purple truck. Seriously how can anyone resist barbie dolls?! But still, glad we caught up. Ahem, we've grown. Alot. Then rushed over to my brother's house for dinner, slurp. Dinner was very very good. I'm very happy to announce that my korkor and christine are fully fledged domesticated cooks. Well done! Seven months of married life has paid off! So that was my christmas dayy. The first in many many years that i've actually spent at home here in spore. Wah time passes so fast. Next year's A levels already...groooaaan. Oh and i just cut my fringe myself too. *beam. my hairdressing skills are improving. *christmas isn't christmas, til it happens in your heart..

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 | Wednesday, December 24, 2003

My bones ache and my eyes are bleary. Yet i will STRIVE ON in my valient attempt to finish wrapping all gifts by tomorrow morning. Noooo! Yesterday the Tan family went to Phin's Steakhouse at bugis to eat..well, steak. The steak there is damn good; one of the best besides the one at Chinajump at Chijmes. Had a very good dinner. -urp. And after that was the cake-cutting; it was so funny! Mummy was trying to hint discreetly to my korkor to get the cake out, problem was that my dad was seated in between. So all her discreet attempts weren't so..discreet. And the best part was my brother played a natural dumb and feigned ignorance. But in the end we did get our ice cream cake, Swenson's! Slurpslurp. Then my dad drove me to meritus mandarin where my cell was staying over for a night (we lucky toads). Spent the time there playing, talking, coughing, watching tv, coughing, talking and coughing. Only me, stef, sam and elissa had the willpower to stay awake the entire night, hah! The rest were all either snoring away or just closing their eyes (smirk) by the time it was 5am. Then me, stef and sam wenta BK at cineleisure to eat breakfast while the pigs were sleeping. Eh really wish i lived near orchard; staying at meritus mandarin made me realise how so convenient it actually is! And ohh, i also just found out one thing, or maybe it's just a coincidence, but gingerbeer helps cure sore throats. The stinging sensation after you're done drinking is like whooo! After the pigs had woken up and eaten and changed, the girls went to the hotel's pool to tan and swim. And thank goodness there was a sun, finally! But what tan i got today is so mild (stupid sun), the sentosa's one is like still there. Now i have over-riding tan lines, so ugly! And all we cell girls, with the exclusion of rae and christelle, wore our bikinis. :) And to think that a few months back i was so adamant about never wearing one. Ahh, being single really changes your perspective. After swimming, showering and eating, we split up cuz some wanted to buy xmas stuff, some wanted to play pool. Fast forward to the trip home, i was so tired that i fell asleep standing up in the mrt and nearly toppled like a dumpling to the floor. Yeesh. Not once, but twice. Fast forward again to evening, where i cycled from simei to my beloved school in pasir ris. Not that i miss school or anything, waitaminit, in fact i DON'T, school starts in a week, but the thrill and joy of me realising that hey, i'm not that outta shape, i cycled THIS far! Muahahah. Furthermore i had CUTE company as some form of incentive to push myself so hard. Double muahahahs. Ookays, i'm really blanked out now. And my lenses have been in my eyes for 32 hours straight. Nitey!

Sunday, December 21, 2003 | Sunday, December 21, 2003

Originally i wanted to write a LOTR commentary on thursday..but after reading this particular person's blog describing it in such a sophisticated and fluent style..i decided not to. Nah. It would have put my feeble attempt to shame. Anyway it's a damn good moviee! Go watch! Sigh, this december is such a flop. There hasn't been a single sunny day since youth camp ended! Grr..i want sun i want sun. There's not even a chance to go tanning one last time before i start studying like a freak next year for As...rainy after rainy after rainy day, day in, day out. Sigh sigh sigh. Yesterday's cousins' outing dieded, because of the big bully of a rainstorm which refused to go away. We queued 1 1/2 hours plus for one miserable indoor ride at escape..only to sit in that miserable ride for 1 minute..and got pushed out into the horrible rain once again. I really miss the tropical feel of Singapore; give me sweaty armpits and shiny noses (no not BO!) rather than shivering limbs and cold hands anyday. Hey, when i want a white christmas, i want a reeaal white one ok? Not some cheap singapore imitation of it. And i've been waking up every morning coughing. Sheesh, falling sick at the inappropriate time is so irritating; when i want to get out of going to school, i stay strong and healthy as a horse against my will; when i want to enjoy, ENJOY my hols like a party animal, i get a horrible cough and sore throat which interrupts my beauty sleep. Forgive my incessant complaints, but since i'm such a narcissist, it's been such a joy spilling it all out here. The only benevolent thing i've been doing so far has been 1. creating *ahem wonderful creations of art for xmas, and 2. burning a hole in my wallet doing so, and 3. burning an even bigger hole by buying myself soo many xmas presents (earrings, maroon singlet, bikini). Hey what do you expect, i'm not expecting gifts i'd really want this xmas, and i don't have that special other to get me stuff, so yarr.. Oh and btw, impactshop at cineleisure is having 50% discount for all bikinis!! Go buy go buy; rare chance ah. Bikinis going cheap cheap cheeep! Okay, guess that's all i have to complain about so far. Ohh..haven't touched my homework yet, i'm so dead. And i'm gonna spend tmr night in mandarin hotel! Can't wait, my first time staying in a local hotel, somemore the one where i had my prom last year:) Wonderful wonderful memories..right.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 | Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Gosh, i really really can't wait for tmr 1930! My smart daddy went to book the lotr tickets many weeks ago..haha. Just finished watching the making of return of the king, sigh. Just one year ago i was in NZ watching the two towers and stuff, right there in middle earth, and whitewater rafting down the river where arwen crossed it with frodo on her horse. Argh, time passes so fast. My magical holiday.. No holiday for this girl til A levels are over next year though. Can't wait can't wait. Two months in NZ next year..what more can i ask for? *grin. *eunice loses herself in daydreams just for awhile. Anyway, i'm so happy! Xmas shopping is more or less done; now's the difficult part, the making process. I don't know what made me so magnanimous this year, the fact that i want to make stuff for ppl. Maybe cuz i'm single (and too free)? Or maybe cuz it's just the natural nice me? Whatever the reason...i feel go-oo-od...! Forget all the feelings of blahness, christmas's coming! All you ppl with your significant other..good for you, it's nice to have that someone special beside you especially during this season. All you ppl with no significant other..no need to suffer the SGS; this is the period you spend quality time with your family and friends. Treasure the moments you have together with them before it's too late. May sound cliche and everything, but i mean every single word i said. I just feel happy after coming back from youth camp, every single moment, every single day. Yay..Jesus is living in the inside of me :)

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 | Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Heyy check out the verse on the right! Reading it makes me feel happy all over..haha..

| Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Huh, i'm feeling so sorry for myself. It's 3 in the afternoon, i'm still in my pyjamas, my hair looks like some pufferfish and i'm coughing and sneezing like nobody's business. Bottomline: i'm SICK. Nobody should fall sick during the hols. People who fall sick during the hols are born losers. Ok fine, before i offend anyone here, i mean specifically people who generally remain healthy when school is in *sigh operation, but fall sick when hols start. AND IT JUST STARTED RAINING. Sigh sigh sigh. My cell group girls are going orchard now to eat sushi buffet; i'm stuck at home with my wretched hw. *i miss you stef..my darling boyfriend..aww.. Speaking of hw..argh! I must must must finish it by this week. It's driving me crazy! And i soo can't remember what geog hw there is. But on to the xmas spirit! Christmas is cominggg.. Went to Ikea yesterday to buy CHEAP stuff, but i'm no cheapskate ok. I'm determined that my presents this year will be made with my own two hands and adroit brain. Cheap and beautiful..perfect combi for my wallet. And i bought my xmas present to me yesterday too, this huge pair of chunky earrings, handmade, twisted into gigantic crosses with a stone (in my favourite colour, green!) set in the middle of each cross. I love me; merry christmas eunice! And christine and i, after talking yesterday, we do have the same problems; it's nice having a kindred spirit, knowing there's someone almost like you out there. Last camp comm meeting is this sunday night too; sigh, after attending soo many comm meetings for 6 mths, you really feel this sense of loss and emptiness when youth camp is over. All the comm ppl moving on with their lives. And not forgetting cuzzies' outing this sat to escape! Yay! The last time i went there was in sec 2, and all the supposedly good rides were closed, yeesh. Haven't seen most of my cuzzies since CNY too. All grown up and married/getting married/having their significant other/in the army. Ooh i'm the youngest there. And LOTR opens this thursday, can't wait to watch it. My life isn't so obsolete now, come to think of it. Looking forward to these three days :)

Sunday, December 14, 2003 | Sunday, December 14, 2003

I feel changed. As in ya, i'm still here, i'm still me, i still have the same face, same idiotic expressions, same body, same everything, but somehow i feel changed. And i want to feel this way always, not just for now, not just temporarily, but forever always. This was what i've always hungered for, this was what i've always wanted to experience, this was what i've always dreamed of having. This real hunger and longing and desire to just know Him more and more and more. I won't say anything else, but i definitely feel happier and relieved of the burden i've been carrying these past months. I rededicated my life to God on monday, that's all i want to say. I feel so ashamed of --not blaming God for what happened-- but of feeling so upset with everything that i couldn't/didn't even want to talk to Him for two months. But now, hearing another girl's testimony on this even bigger disappointment in her life, knowing how much bigger her problem was and seeing how so strong she was to have yet pulled herself together made me feel so ashamed when i realised how selfish and self-centred i was to focus on me, me, me alone. To quote andy, "For disappointments in life, think of them as potholes in the path in your walk with God. You stumble, true, but He will always be there to pick you up and help you through". Something like that, but it comforts me so much. Cell has changed somehow too, definitely a much closer-knit group after youth camp, with the girls in cell already with masks down, and with ezra and gerald gone to army, and albert to indonesia. They'll be back, they'll be back, but missing their presence already. Stoopid albert, bluff us all with your matchmaking crap. It's crazy now to think that i was considering leaving Charis. 100 campers, 50 newcomers, 25 PRCs; that was the aim of this youth camp. 60++ campers, 5 PRCs, that was what was achieved in the end. Short of the target, true, but many many lives were touched by God, so many new people came for service today, and that's so much more important than what people can ever aim for. It's one thing to set goals, mere figures, for a camp, it's another to see God working for real in our lives in this camp and touching so many. God is real, that's what i want to say. God is real.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003 | Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Whew. Finally, some spare time to catch my breath and just...stone. Gahh, i just measured my weight, i lost 2kg! Oh no. I can now get past everyday by eating just 1 1/2 meals a day :) and no im not trying to starve myself; i just have no time to eat these days. I'm busy busy busy. I guess i haven't made one peep about the upcoming youth camp. It's 5 days to camp, and counting down! I'm so excited! One thing though, i won't have time to relax for the first three days of camp, since it's gonna be games games games throughout, whew. And there's just a teeny little apprehension. Ok maybe more than just a little. Can you imagine me? Me?! Using the loudspeaker to scream out the instructions? Else i'd be this little pipsqueak with just a sore throat to show off at the end of it all. My gosh, just thinking of it makes me grow cold. Why couldn't i be blessed with big lungs like my nemesis chia chia? I'd rather stay backstage or at the sidelines thank you very much. *sob But i can't! Gah. This 6 month process of preparing the games, attending youth camp comm meetings, and simply getting to know the other comm people has been a great learning process for me. (ok self-reflection time). To be perfectly honest, when stef first asked me in may/june if i'd want to be the games ic for youth camp'03, i didn't have much foresight. I didn't think of all the stress and worry it would bring on me (even though ya i know God would take care of it all; still i like to worry.) I didn't dream that my subcomm would be almost non-existent and i would end up doing most of the work myself *glower. Ah well i was never good at delegating jobs, so guess i can only blame myself. But God also provided me with andy (who got me most of my gamemasters) and eunice (who gave me ideas for most of the grossest games imaginable). God also provided me with the fluctuating range of emotions during these 6 months, from impassivity (i like to think of it more as imperturbation), to happiness, to giving me the ability to love, to hurt, to bitterness, to whatever-you-call-it, and finally to recovery spiritually. Preparation for it brought me out of my comfort zone in every aspect i can think of *shudder. I grew the most during these 6 months than i ever did in my 17 years, and through it all, preparation for the youth camp still went on regardless. But all things come to an end, and youth camp is finally arriving; my baby is gone. Ok not quite. I did try to integrate some bible verses into the games, and i really hope that newcomers can be brought to God and see how wonderful He is when present in our lives, and fellow christians, rededicate their lives to Him during the camp. The games are finally gonna be kicked into action too! And if all goes well, everyone will have the wettest and dirtiest (mud-free) time *evilgrin. Yesterday was junk-food buying spree galore (for the prizes and games and stuff), and the trolley at Giant was piled really high :) 2oo bucks worth. I'll make sure i get my 2kg back. 5 days and counting down to camp; 5 days and counting down to camp...3 days and *groan counting down to SATs. *lt5:we've got the drive; lt4:we will score. Shoosh.

Monday, December 01, 2003 | Monday, December 01, 2003

I did it. Finally finished all seven books of the Narnia Chronicles, after patient reading for over a month, and i finally understood the significance of all events carefully described in each and every story, all which i couldn't quite grasp when i first read at ten years old. A very beautiful story with the most beautiful ending. Next major book to tackle: Lord Of The Rings. Muahahah.